Looking at the Words We Use


mindset2  “We move towards and become like, what we think about. Our present thoughts determine our future. Wise words that I have heard many times, from many of my mentors and I, in turn, have said them to many thousands of my mentees and learners, over these past 3 decades and they are no less true today, than when I heard them for the first time, so long ago. Our thoughts form the foundation of our beliefs, and these beliefs are played out every day in the words we use, and in the behaviours, we show to the world. These beliefs and behaviours are also reflected in our attitudes.
Now, an attitude is simply the way we lean. We either lean toward something (a positive attitude) or we lean away from something (a negative attitude). It’s something we want, or something we don’t want. The words we use to describe either of these situations reinforce our attitudes and by extension, our beliefs, our habits and our behaviour.
We also do and say a lot of things by habit, because habits make our lives easier. We don’t have to think about everything we do, every time we do it. Saves time, right? Saves energy, too. We don’t need to devote much brainpower to our habits and the brain loves that. The challenge comes when we don’t stop to really consider the effects our habitual words have on our attitudes.
Unfortunately, we don’t stop to think when we use “always” or “never” – situations that rarely exist, in reality. However, our brains know what they mean, and we act accordingly. “Always” and “never” are exclusionary and are designed to divide and separate, even in mathematics. When they are used in society, one group inevitably suffers from the separation.
Over the next few weeks, let’s do a little research. As you are reading or watching the news, be aware of the use of “Always” and “Never.” As you listen to the speech-makers, whether in politics or elsewhere, listen carefully for the words being used. Ask yourself, “Is what I am hearing really the truth?” Becoming a skeptical listener leaves each of us stronger, smarter and wiser.
Your self-talk will determine your outcomes, as Henry Ford said, many moons ago; “If you believe you can, or you believe you can’t; you will be right.”  So, change your self-talk and start to see mega changes in your outcomes.
Have a super time experimenting, please let me know your outcomes and experiences via the Contact Page on www.lindasage.com
Here’s to your success.
Linda

Happiness is Not an Event


happy  What makes you happy? Where do you find joy? No matter who you are, the answer to these questions is always the same. A radical statement? Perhaps, but one thing is for certain: we spend our lives looking for happiness. The challenge is in knowing where to find it.
 
Do you know anyone who is always looking for happiness? What about people who are constantly in pursuit of joy through some activity, or people who complain that their relationships are dull, their job oppressive?
 
They act as if happiness and joy are to be found “out there” somewhere. They seldom come to terms with the idea that happiness is inside them. You see, we can’t look for joy as we do a lost article of clothing. We make our own happiness. We define it for ourselves and experience it in our own unique way. In fact, the happiest people in the world would probably still be happy if they were stripped of everything but life.
 
Many people whose bodies are crippled, or who have lived a life of deprivation and disadvantage still are able to smile and joke their way through life, while those working with them who have every physical and economic advantage are often sour, complaining and depressed. The challenge is giving up on the habit of seeing only the negative, and in knowing where to look for the “happiness insights.”
 
The answer is simpler than you may imagine: Open up the doors to your heart and let joy, laughter, and light-heartedness come in. Many a relationship has been saved by a good belly laugh. Let’s face it, a sense of humour is one of life’s greatest gifts.
 
Just remember, what makes you happy is not an event but a point of view. Once you have it, you’ll find joy and good fellowship wherever you look. The benefits will increase exponentially – at home, at work and at play. 
Tis the season to be happy, hopeful and looking to the future, so today, now is a great time to start.   
bells
Season’s greetings to everyone.  Thank you for being with me throughout 2018, I am really looking forward to what 2019 has to offer.
Regards
Linda

Unlock yourself and care for yourself as much as you do others – Let me help you


I want to help you to unlock yourself and care for yourself as much as you do others.

 Are you ready to join a supportive network of amazing caregivers?

burnout8

But you feel like you don’t know who to trust?  There are so many coaches and self-help programs “out there” which leave you feeling overwhelmed, confused and undecided – so instead you do nothing.

Well, not anymore, it is time to be part of a community of amazing caregivers – it’s time to find your confidence regain your passion in the wonderful work that you do as a caregiver.

 

 

In this TRANSFORMATIONAL online SUPPORTIVE Coaching Club, I am going to bring you together with like-minded caregiving professionals, volunteers and home carers.  I will show you how to protect yourself from being overwhelmed and burnt out, both of which have become the culture of healthcare globally today.

 

mindsetYou are going to learn how to:

CONFIDENTIALLY COMMUNICATE with yourself and others, identify your needs and set your boundaries, through utilising tried and tested techniques, which you will learn and get to practice during the “optional” online Mastermind sessions.

 

Wouldn’t Your Life be Different if You Could:

  •  Identify & Prioritise your challenges
  • Understand the types of people around you
  • Understand yourself and your triggers
  • Set your boundaries
  • Improve your verbal and non-verbal communication
  • Speak confidently to share your needs
  • Learn to say No

 

1a7c8-neg4What You Will Learn?

 

My supportive online self-awareness Coaching Club Membership will assist you in developing better communications with yourself and others, understanding and respect for yourself and others.

By utilising the empowering tools within this Coaching Club Membership and by connecting with other participants via a closed support group and the optional Mastermind coaching session, you can become an excellent communicator without ever feeling overwhelmed, insecure and unworthy.

 Sessions and sections:

 All About You:

Self-awareness is all about you and your strengths, beliefs, habits, traits, unique self, back-up strategies, the way you interact with your people and environment.

· Attitudes & Beliefs

· Emotions

· Patterns of Behaviour

· Core Values (driving forces)

· Levels of Human Needs

· Fears, Phobias, Habits

 Environment:

Understanding the pressures in your environment which are influencing your life and causing you to adjust your natural style, leading you to feel stressed, overwhelmed, undervalued and unfulfilled.

· Stress and How it Impacts You

· Taking Responsibility

· Resilience

· Managing Your Mindset

· Goal Setting for Motivation

· Cultural Matters

Empowering You:

Regain your strength, discover ways to nurture yourself. Learn how to meet your needs, without guilt or remorse.

Gain and understanding of alternative support methods for your personal growth.

· Importance of Self Belief

· An Attitude of Gratitude

· Reike to Relax

· Holistic Therapies – Myth Busting

· Being You – Authenticity

Access The Coaching Club Online 24/7, 365 days

 

 

stress1Who Is This For?

This Coaching Club Membership is for all caregivers whether professional, voluntary, home-based or entrepreneurs, who all have a deep desire to communicate more effectively with themselves and others and increase your emotional resilience to create the life you want to live.

 

· It’s for you if you are struggling to communicate your needs. 

· It’s for you if you don’t know who to trust and you are feeling frustrated, unappreciated, not validated and isolated. 

I want to help you uncover your challenges and give you a framework to help you build your resilience and to speak up and show people how YOU deserve to be treated.

 

In prisonBONUS: Get Masterclass Coaching each month!

The “optional” group coaching is held the 1st Wednesday evening of each month via ZOOM Online Conferencing Call.

Sessions will start at 07:00pm sharp and conclude at 8:00pm GMT.  We will work on your issues, live on these calls. (Please note, we may go over time).

How Long is the Coaching Club Programme?

This is a self-paced online support. You will be able to work through all the videos, articles, blogs, newsletters and online/live events in your own time, and with the added support of the “optional” live Masterclass coaching sessions, you will have an opportunity to ask questions and so much more.

Me newMy Promise To You –

What You Will Walk Away With!

 

This Coaching Club Membership is interactive. You will learn about yourself and what makes you tick, valuing your self-care and offloading baggage that is holding you back.

You will discover different models to help you to think differently when interacting and communicating with others.

I will be there walking beside you. I am a qualified psychologist  –  I absolutely get YOU, and I feel your pain, frustration and total feeling of lack of validation. Having been through my own major emotional, psychological and physical burnout in 2005 and the long journey coming back from its devastating effects.

You will walk away with frameworks from my 30 years’ (plus) experience, knowledge and expertise as a psychologist, speaker, mentor/coach and author. During all these decades I have continued my education and development with coaches, courses and education with world-renowned experts.

You will have clarity on how to safeguard yourself, design your outcomes by communicating more effectively with yourself and others, whilst maintaining your authenticity.  You will know exactly what you need to do to get people to listen and to your needs.  You will walk away empowered.

 

invest in youWhat Is My Investment? 

 

I am so glad that you asked about the investment for this Coaching Club Membership because that is exactly what it is an investment in YOU.  Caregivers know how to nurture others extremely well, but often put themselves last.

 

I have combined everything I know about dealing with those monsters about caring for yourself and tackling those challenging conversations, in order for you to build your resilience, and find your voice. This is all made possible via an online supportive environment and in the comfort of your own home. I am providing a place which is nourishing, inspiring and where you get to make new friends who are just like you.

 That is priceless.

This is a unique environment where caregivers can come together, debrief, share and support one another, in a safe and non-judgemental space. I have created this community of unstoppable caregivers to reignite the courage, compassion and connection back into caregiving.

The EARLY BIRD pricing will be available until the 1st of February, so make sure you book below.  The pricing will increase on the 1st of February when the program is officially launched.

Group Coaching and Resources                     

Bronze Offer

 Sign Up here and see how I can help YOU

    Group Coaching + Resources+Masterclass

Silver Package Offer

And….. if you would like 1-2-1 access to me, you might prefer these offers:

Gold Coaching Package Sign up Now and see how I can help you:

 

 I am always here to help caregivers care for themselves, having survived a major burnout – I know prevention is better than cure.  Coming out of denial is scary, but it is the only way to build yourself and your resilience.

Still undecided?  If you need to speak to me, book a FREE 15-minute call and let’s discuss your personal situation.

Here’s to your self-care.

Regards

Linda

www.lindasage.com 

 

 

Growing Your Brain, Forever


emb7   How’s your education coming along? While there is a good chance that you are out of school, that is no reason to stop learning.
When you think about the people you have known, the ones who are most fully alive, invariably, it is those who have never stopped learning who come to mind. These same folks have developed creative strategies to keep themselves from becoming stuck in a rut, no matter how comfortable that rut may seem.
I recently worked with a couple, who had both worked in the NHS all of their working life, in one role or another, they had looked forward to their mutual retirement and having time together. After a few weeks of being at home, I got chatting to them at a local charity open day,  they tried to do things together during the day, but they felt that their evenings at home in front of the TV were becoming dull. So, they agreed to turn off the television every night for an hour and spent the time taking turns reading aloud to each other and then discuss the reading. They decided magazines and romance or detective novels were off limits, but everything else was open. They read some philosophy, some theology, and a great deal of biography. They really got into Churchill’s history of World War II. After doing this every evening for a few weeks, they found that their powers of concentration had increased. Most evenings, they never turned the television set on at all.
Many large organisations require some of their staff members to take a certain amount of continuing education every year. Many corporations help their employees pay for tuition. For some, this continuing education may seem difficult, but is education a line item in your personal budget? If it isn’t, should it be? With the proliferation of on-line courses – a lot of them free or with a minimal charge – you don’t even need to leave the house to learn something new.
Just because you are no longer in school, it doesn’t mean that learning has to stop. If you are like most people, you have probably learned more since you graduated, than you ever did in school! Education is a lifelong endeavour. It’s good for your brain, because it doesn’t have to stop growing. In fact, the brain loves to learn and build new neural pathways. The brain stops growing because you stop challenging it.
If you are serious about personal growth, you will take the time to nourish your intellect as well as your heart and soul. It is a great way to evade that Law of Entropy…
Caring for yourself no matter what age you are, is not a luxury it is a necessity.
I have a FREE self-care bitesize video platform with loads of great tips about caring for yourself –  http://bit.ly/FreeVideoChannel  You can access it at any time.
Be kind to yourself.
Regards
Linda

 

Low Frustration Tolerance = High Stress Levels


Things must be the way I want them to be – otherwise life will be intolerable.

pulling hair out   We all want life to be organised according to our preferences. This surely makes sense! What then is the problem? Unfortunately, we often go beyond just wanting – we believe that things must be our way. This reflects a human tendency called ‘low frustration-tolerance’.

I suspect that this tendency is one of the most common, underlying causes of distress in human beings. Paradoxically, it seems to be the one of which people are most unconscious! A concept developed by psychologist Albert Ellis, low frustration-tolerance (LFT) arises from believing that frustration is unbearable and therefore must be avoided at all costs.

What is low frustration-tolerance?

Low frustration-tolerance (LFT) is caused by catastrophising about being frustrated and demanding that it not happen. It is based on beliefs like:

  • ‘The world owes me contentment and happiness.’
  • ‘Things should be as I want them to be, and I can’t stand it when they are not.’
  • ‘It is intolerable to be frustrated, so I must avoid it at all costs.’
  • ‘Other people should not do things that frustrate me.’

LFT is closely related to low discomfort-tolerance (LDT), which arises from catastrophising about discomfort (including the discomfort of negative emotions), with an internal demand that it be avoided. The two types are similar and closely related. Frustration is uncomfortable, and discomfort is frustrating. Often one expression is used to refer to both types.

Low frustration-tolerance arises from demands that things be as we want, usually coupled with awfulising and discomfort-intolerance when this does not happen.

The problem with low frustration-tolerance

Low frustration-tolerance creates distress in many ways:

  • Anxiety results when people believe that they should or must get what they want (and not get what they don’t want), and that it is awful and unbearable (rather than merely inconvenient or disadvantageous) when things don’t happen as they ‘must’.
  • Short-range enjoyment, a common human tendency, is the seeking of immediate pleasure or avoidance of pain, at the cost of long-term stress. Examples include such things as alcohol, drug and food abuse; watching television at the expense of exercising; practising unsafe sex; or overspending to avoid feeling deprived.
  • Addictive tendencies. Low frustration-tolerance is a key factor in the development of addictions. To resist the impulse of the moment and go without is ‘too frustrating’. It seems easier to give in to the urge to misuse alcohol, take drugs, gamble, or exercise obsessively.
  • Negativity and complaining. Low frustration-tolerance may cause you to become distressed over small hindrances and setbacks, overconcerned with unfairness, and prone to make comparisons between your own and others’ circumstances. Negativity tends to alienate others, with the loss of their support.
  • Anger. LFT leads to hostile anger when someone does something you dislike, or fails to give you what you want.

The alternative: high frustration-tolerance

High frustration-tolerance means accepting the reality of frustration and keeping its badness in perspective.

To accept frustration is to acknowledge that, while you may dislike it, there is no Law of the Universe says you ‘should’ be exempt from it (though you may prefer to be). You expect to experience appropriate negative emotions like annoyance and disappointment. But you avoid exaggerating these emotions (by telling yourself you can’t stand them) into depression, hostile anger, hurt, or self-pity.

Changing what you tell yourself about frustration

See the list of typical frustration-intolerance thoughts below. Alongside each is a more realistic alternative.

Frustration-intolerance

Realistic Thinking

It is awful and intolerable to be frustrated from having things the way I want. If I tell myself that frustration is awful, I’ll only set myself up to get anxious when I think it’s coming – and bitter and twisted when it does happen.
I can’t stand it when people don’t act as they should. I don’t like it, but I can survive it – and survive better when I don’t lose my cool over it.
My circumstances have to be right for life to be tolerable. It is disappointing when things aren’t the way I’d like them to be, but it is not awful — and I can stand less than the ideal.
Because I can’t stand being frustrated, I must avoid it at all costs. Total avoidance would mean a very restricted life. Though I don’t like frustration, I can tolerate it.

How to raise your tolerance for frustration

  • Know when you are engaging in LFT behaviour. Keep a log of such behaviour for several weeks or longer. Watch for things like overusing drugs or alcohol, compulsive gambling, shopping, exercising, or bingeing on food, losing your temper.
  • The technique of exposure is an important way to increase your tolerance. Make a list of things to which you typically overreact – situations, events, risks and so on. Commit yourself to face at least one of these each day. Instead of trying to get away from the frustration as you normally would, stay with the frustration until it diminishes of its own accord. You might, for instance, go without desserts for a while, have two beers instead of four, leave the children’s toys on the floor, or the like.
  • Another useful technique is rational self-analysis. Analyse your frustration – while you are feeling it, if possible, otherwise, as soon as possible afterwards.
  • Other techniques you may find helpful are rational cards, the catastrophe scale, and reframing.

Learning to increase your frustration tolerance has an immediate effect on lowering your stress level.

For more information on self-care, stress reduction and avoiding burnout, you can join me on:

My website: – http://www.lindasage.com
My book – Caring for the Caregiver – https://www.amazon.com/dp/1974635651
My Linkedin – http://www.linkedin.com/in/linda-sage
My FaceBook Page – https://www.facebook.com/lindasagementoring                               My Twitter – https://twitter.com/meetLindaSage

Regards

Linda Sage MA, BA Ed (Hons), DTM                                                                                                Unlocking Your Mind Blocks

 

More Today Than Yesterday


get better   One of the most powerful techniques available for personal growth – and it works for individuals, teams, organisations, communities, even nations. And you, as a leader in any of these categories, have the capacity to spark tremendous, purposeful change.
It is a simple technique that has incredible power to change lives and expand potential. In fact, there may be nothing that has more power to inspire positive change. It’s a technique you can use to help your own life grow richer and to help others, as well.
When you can see yourself, not as you are, but as you can become, you stimulate incredible growth and previously unbelievable change. People who find life exciting and who continue to grow and expand their accomplishments are people who have an expanding self-image.
wall  Now, this doesn’t mean that you go around completely out of touch with reality. It does mean that you have a vision of reality that includes not just the past and the present, but also the future. It also means that your primary focus is not on what you are today, but what you can be tomorrow. It is this technique, this ability that motivates people to grow, to surpass themselves, to break records, to change in positive, exciting ways.
After all, if you can’t see it, how can you be it? This is what you want to do for your children, friends, relatives, co-workers – indeed, all whom your life touches. Keep painting a vivid mental picture for them of all that they can be and do. Let them know you believe in their abilities, and watch them move toward that picture. 
Help them be more today than they were yesterday, and on their way to a greater tomorrow.
Here’s to your success.
Linda Sage MA, BA Ed (Hons), DTM

Day of Awareness


Do you know anyone who is addicted to negative thoughts? Perhaps it is someone closer than you think.

I am not an expert on addictions, but I’ve been told that an addiction is behaviour that is usually harmful and that controls you, rather than the other way around. Can negative thinking be an addiction? You bet it can. Can it harm you? It sure can. How can you tell if your negative thoughts are out of control? Well, the first step is awareness.
Let’s make today your Day of Awareness. As an experiment, here is something you can try, something I often ask my seminar participants to do. Try going through one whole day, 24 hours, without thinking a single negative thought. No sarcasm, no put-downs, no belittling – of others or of yourself. Yes, that includes time spent driving in traffic and during the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.
Now, most people notice quite a few negative thoughts during that day of awareness. But that is not all they do. They get upset at themselves for thinking those negative thoughts, and they end up caught in a mental double negative.
So give yourself a break. Just pay attention without blaming. Notice your thought patterns for the next 24 hours. Once you become aware of how much control negative thinking has over your life, you may choose to change it. It may be a snap to change, it may not be so easy, but you can do it! First, though, raise your awareness of what is happening today – your Day of Awareness.
Here’s to a happier, more positive day and tomorrow…..
Regards
Linda