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Posts Tagged ‘strain’

You, First

November 19, 2017 Leave a comment

Featured Image -- 945  If you are giving part of yourself each day of your life, as a profession, volunteer, home carer, or support worker don’t feel guilty about being interested in pursuing personal growth (feeling better in yourself), it does not mean you are a selfish person.  Personal growth does affect relationships with others and with yourself.
 
There is no question about it. We need to have a caring relationship with ourselves before we can expect others to do so. However, being interested in personal growth doesn’t mean you’re selfish. In fact, it’s quite the contrary.
 
In his book, “The Psychology of Romantic Love,” Nathaniel Brandon wrote, “The first affair we must consummate successfully is the love affair with ourselves. Only then are we ready for other love relationships.” In other words, if we don’t even like ourselves, it’s going to be difficult to love others.  When I use the word love, it is not just the romantic, or the paternal, or the friendship kind, it is the empathy, understanding and kindness for patients and colleagues.
 
You see, no matter how concerned we are about others, we are ultimately responsible only for ourselves. If we feel inadequate and victimised, then we have no power to offer another person security and strength. Without that firm personal foundation, we are building our relationships on what amounts to quicksand.
 
Self-development means being the best you can be and giving the best that you can give. It means asking yourself, “If I were living with me or caring for me, would I want to stay around?” Yes, that’s a big question, one that demands an answer. Then, you change what you need to change according to that answer you have given yourself.  You don’t need to make a big deal about it, but realising it, is a huge step forward.
 
You see, although there are tremendous personal benefits to self-development, it is, perhaps, in your relationships with others that a commitment to personal growth will bring you the most gratifying changes – and a deeper sense of happiness and contentment
If you are in a senior position, then showing your team you care for about yourself, take your wellbeing seriously; they will have a model to follow.  Being the leader you would want to follow, sets the example.  Not so many years ago practitioners were smoking around patients, they were not sanitising hands or using gloves for general practice.  All of these changes have made a difference in patient care.
All staff are overworked and stressed with deadlines, cutbacks and red tape.  The more frustrated you become with your situation, your staff/colleagues, patients, the system and life in general; the more you are turning in on yourself.
Taking time to support yourself, allow your feelings to surface, take breaks even very short self-centring techniques can lower your blood pressure and lighten your mood.  These are not a long-term solution, but each small step, leads to the next.
Compassion Fatigue is depleting all of our caregiving services, taking care of yourself is not a luxury, it is a necessity.  It is partly the responsibility of employers to support workers, but at the end of the day; it is your life, your responsibility.
Care for yourself, as much as you care for others.  If you want to know how to feel better, let me know.

Linda Sage  MA, BA Ed(Hons) – Caring for the Caregiver

Taking an Honest Look

November 5, 2017 Leave a comment

Most of us are pretty sharp when it comes to noticing other people’s imperfections and faults, but not always about our own. Some people have the mistaken idea that those of us with high self-esteem think that they are perfect. But the truth is that high self-esteem people don’t think they are perfect. However, they are continuously looking for ways they can improve.

It is people whose self-esteem is shaky who are threatened by looking at their imperfections and weaknesses. They don’t want to know about their problems, because then they may have to actually do something about them and, unfortunately, they don’t feel very effective when it comes to solving problems.
People with high self-esteem know that awareness of a problem is the first step towards solving it. However, they don’t get bogged down in the problem. They have a clear vision of what it will look like when the problem is fixed, and that is what they keep uppermost in their minds. They don’t beat themselves up when they make mistakes. Instead, they use mistakes as teachers and learn from them.
Also, they are used to taking a personal inventory, and they feel competent and capable when it comes to doing what needs to be done to improve themselves and their behaviour. Even when they are not sure exactly how they will do it, they don’t let that stop them because they are confident that they can find a way…and they usually do.
As difficult as it may seem, at first, there is great value when we take an honest look at ourselves. So, gather up your courage and take that look in the mirror. If you don’t like what you see, you do have the power to change it.
Don’t give up your accountability to, “that’s just like me,”  “that’s how I am,” “that’s the way I have always done it.”  All excuses for a comfortable life, living in denial is convenient, but not always healthy.  If you want a different outcome, you need different actions.  The buck stops – here!
Linda Sage
Successful Mindset Ltd.

Small Steps Forward are Better Than No Steps

October 21, 2017 Leave a comment

small steps      Do you ever feel discouraged because your work on personal growth isn’t going as quickly as you would like? Let’s spend a little time on this today.

Many people are interested in doing all they can to develop strong and positive self-esteem, and that is a very good thing. But sometimes, there is a tendency for people who have just started the process of deliberate personal growth to take themselves a bit too seriously. Expectations run high and personal change can’t come fast enough. The same thing can happen to an organisation as it embarks on a growth initiative.

lead2    Individuals may find themselves going abruptly from relative non-awareness (or confidence that there wasn’t any need to change in the past) to total and complete introspection. They hold a magnifying glass up to every thought, feeling, act and relationship. Growth and change then get bogged down in the details.

Perhaps these people need to relax and take it easy. Take the changes a step at a time, a day at a time. Developing high self-esteem is a gradual process, so you don’t need to pressure yourself to get there all at once. New or revised organisational mission and values statements take a while to soak into the fabric of the organisation.

Artists and craftsmen work steadily on their creations. They don’t get frantic over completion. As the old saying goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Give yourself time and space to develop and rework your self-picture. In the meantime, relax and enjoy yourself. Get involved in activities you like and have fun.

If you are tempted to measure your progress, use a broad time range. See yourself today as compared to five or ten years ago, but always keep your eye on where you want to be.  Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare – slow and steady wins the race. As long as you work consistently, you will get there!

If you make your progression plans; you are 50% more likely to achieve them.
If you write your goals down; you are 50% more likely to achieve them.
50 + 50 = 100%
Small steps will take you in the right direction, you will meet the right people and get the right information.  All like the domino effect.
Here’s to your success.
Linda

Putting in Some Time & Effort

October 7, 2017 Leave a comment

invest in you   Everyone has a self-image, but how does a self-image get built? And what does your self-image have to do with who you are, and how you react in strange or unusual situations?

Your self-image, or your idea of who you are, is a package you put together from how others have seen and treated you, and from your conclusions as you compare yourself to others. Primitive people built homes from available materials – blocks of ice, animal skins, adobe, and logs. In this same way, when you were a child, you built your self-image from what was available.

Your construction materials were the reactions of significant others toward you. So, your self-image is simply a belief system you created. It is manifested in how you respond to the world around you – the people and situations that fill your days. However, these beliefs may or may not be accurate.

Now, your essential nature, the “real you” that exists apart from your behaviour, your opinions, your habits, etc., is really quite wonderful because it is a storehouse of energy and potential that can do and be great things.

But if people, who didn’t have much self-esteem themselves, raised you around constant put-downs, you will not be able to use much of this amazing potential. You see, your behaviour always matches your inner picture of yourself. In this, it makes sense to look at your beliefs, get rid of those that hold you back, and learn how to affirm and tap into your potential.

This same story applies to teams, departments, and entire organisations. In their beginnings, organisations defined themselves by the situation they were in and the lessons learned from interactions with the rest of the world. As time wears on, those definitions were tweaked when necessary, or didn’t change at all because of the core beliefs and values of the organisation. These same beliefs and values may be limiting the potential of the organisation to change and grow.

The good news is that with a little self-reflection – whether by an individual or a group of individuals – old, outdated beliefs can be identified and either modified or completely changed. All it takes is a little bit of time and effort.
You are worth this investment and you deserve the outcomes from the investment.
Be kind to yourself, and care for yourself.
Here’s to your success.
Linda

Can You See What is Right in Front of You?

September 30, 2017 Leave a comment

keysDo you know what Scotomas are? Everyone has them and they can keep you from seeing the opportunities all around you.

So, what exactly is a “Scotoma?” A scotoma is what doctors call the defect that blocks sight in one part of our visual field. It is also a term we use to describe our occasional failure to see what is right in front of us because we build our own Scotoma, a mental blind spot, to it. And we can create Scotomas for all of our senses.

You see, for the most part, we see what we expect to see or what we look for. We also hear what we expect to hear, taste what we expect to taste, smell what we expect to smell, and sense what we expect when we touch something soft or hard or scratchy. In other words, Scotomas work on our sensory perceptions. So, we do not see, hear, taste, smell or feel what is really there.

What we expect to see/hear/taste/smell/touch is determined by our beliefs about reality. If we believe the world is a hostile, unfriendly place, we will see evidence to support that belief everywhere we look. But if we believe people are basically good and that the world is a supportive, friendly place, then that is what we will see and experience.
Have you ever been in a hurry to get out and you just cannot find your keys?  You look everywhere, in a frenzy get more and more frustrated and then somebody comes along and says, “Are these, what you are looking for?”    You just know they must have had them all along, as they were not there when you looked.  You grab the keys and march off.  This is a scotoma in practice.

Our beliefs are mostly a matter of how we have been conditioned, often since birth. But once we become adults, it is possible to become aware of our conditioning, our belief systems, and even our Scotomas.  Sometimes, when we discover our Scotomas, when we realise that our conditioning has led us in the wrong direction, it can be quite the jolt to our psyche.

The good news is that we can choose to expand our consciousness, remove our blind spots, and adopt beliefs that will help us grow instead of clinging to expectations and attitudes that keep us suspicious and our worlds small. By the simple act of making this choice, we actually start the wheels turning toward a better future.

By daily affirmation of goals that support our commitment, we become top-notch Scotoma Busters – and that is when we really start to grow!

What are you waiting for…. now is a good time to start.

Here’s to your success.

Linda

http://www.lindasage.com

 

 

Falling into the Worry Pit

September 23, 2017 Leave a comment

 
         burnout8     Most of us worry a bit from time to time, and there are probably a lot of us worrying about the state of the world these days.  You know, too much worry is a dangerous thing. You see, our awareness of the future is an important part of our search for meaning and purpose in life. However, when awareness of the future becomes dominated by uneasiness, then restlessness, fear and worry take over. 
I read a book many years ago and it had a big impact on me, as it made me look at worry in a different light; very recently I read it again, it is by J. Ruth Gendler, “The Book of Qualities.” Gendler makes “Worry” into a person who seems very real: 

Worry etches lines on people’s foreheads when they are not paying attention. She makes lists of everything that could go wrong while she is waiting for the train. She is sure she left the stove on, and the house is going to explode in her absence. When she makes love, her mind is on the failure rates and health hazards of birth control. The drug companies want worry to test their new tranquilisers, but they don’t understand what she knows too well: no drug can ease her pain. She is terrified of the unknown.” 

That is the bad news. The good news is that, just as we manufacture stress by repeatedly looking forward in fear, we can learn to build new habits that replace worry with more constructive, positive thoughts.  In taking charge of our own thoughts, we are less at the mercy of other voices that seek to decide, for us, how we think and what we think about. Let’s face it, there is a lot of manipulation going on these days. We want to be very careful to avoid falling into a worry pit.

We can short-circuit the downward spiral of worry and fear and substitute images that will work for us instead of against us. We can learn to do this, because it is happening every day, all over the world.

Today seems like a good place to start.

Here’s to your success.
Regards
Linda
Caring for the Caregivers

Caring for the Caregiverds – New Book Review

September 9, 2017 Leave a comment

Please can you have a look at and review the preview of my new book Caring for the Caregivers, dedicated to all individuals who are suffering themselves looking after others.
Featured Image -- 945
Feel free to pass it on to anyone you know it may help.