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Posts Tagged ‘self talk’

Reacting in Anger


mischief   How often do you get angry? Do you know what sets you off? Let’s explore the topic of the relationship between anger and self-esteem.

Do you remember what you were taught about anger when you were growing up? Were you taught that it was unacceptable to feel angry? Did you learn to suppress angry feelings and stuff them down inside? Or were you taught, perhaps by example, that it was OK to explode with anger and attack others, verbally or physically? Or were you fortunate enough to learn that while it’s OK to feel angry, it’s not OK to hurt others, and it’s not OK to blame them for how you feel?

If you were taught to take responsibility for your emotions, to communicate feelings calmly and clearly, and to value both your own and other people’s rights, you probably don’t have much trouble with anger.

Now the reason we just asked you what you were taught, while you were growing up, is that anger very seldom has anything to do with what is happening right now, because there are so many other ways to respond. Anger is triggered and the trigger usually has something to do with the past.

People with high self-esteem aren’t interested in blaming others for things that go wrong.

Instead, they accept accountability for their lives and know that if things outside them are to change, they must first change internally.

For people with high self-esteem, change in themselves or in others isn’t threatening to them. They embrace change because they believe they can handle it. So, if you find yourself feeling a lot of anger, perhaps some introspection will help define the root of the anger, and then a little work on your self-esteem is in order.

Caring for yourself is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

Linda

www.lindasage.com

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Prioritising Productivity


fashion-person-woman-hand.jpg    If you are busier than you like to be, but feeling less productive, then read on.
 
How busy are you these days? Now, here is another question: How productive are you? As most of us know, the two are not remotely the same. All too often, being busy may have nothing at all to do with the results we get and what we achieve.
We spend our days, often very long days, in a flurry of activity. But, when the day or week is over, we are disappointed at the level of our accomplishment. Our disappointment creates stress and we push ourselves even harder to “get more done.” However, pushing hard isn’t the answer.
 
So, what is the answer? Experience shows that a sense of priorities based on a clear purpose and well-defined short- and long-term goals are what one needs. The world is full of people who are definitely in motion, but they’re not exactly sure where they’re going and they don’t know why, either. Maybe they get going so fast that they never take the time to figure it out, or they are afraid to take a moment on the off-chance that they won’t get started again. If that is your situation, perhaps now is the time to set aside the opportunity for personal reflection, some personal values clarification and goal-setting.
 
There is nothing like a strong sense of purpose, based on clearly spelled out values, to keep you moving. More than that, it keeps you moving in the right direction. With all the different media out there today, it is easier than ever before to get pulled away from our targets. We just want to make sure that the targets we are aiming at are worth our time and talents, and are truly getting us where we want to go.

Origins of Beliefs


Wondering where our beliefs come from is a common thread in the responses to WCN messages. In looking over past comments, this one popped to the forefront, because the situation that sparked the question has become more and more common
 
“I was having a conversation with friends the other night.  We were talking about our beliefs, mostly political. We each had very strong beliefs about right and wrong and how our government handles itself. Thankfully, we were all on the same page. But, we were trying to figure out where our beliefs came from. We were not able to pin it down to parents, high school, college, friends, or any other specific person/place/time. Do you have any thoughts on that?”
 
The first thing that came to mind was that this group had answered their own question: parents, teachers, professors in college, friends, the newspapers, internet, radio, TV – all of these sources, and many more, affect our belief system. With so much information coming at us from every angle these days, it becomes vitally important to be skeptical about what we take in, because once we give sanction to the information, it becomes a belief.
 
The challenge for most of us is that a lot of this information came at us when we were very young, and we didn’t have the ability, at the time, to discriminate between “truth” and “opinion.” However, because the information came from authority figures, we didn’t question it. We agreed with whatever we heard. It then became “truth” for us and got stored in our subconscious to form the foundation for our future decision-making.
 
One of the key principles in the Successful Mindset Ltd’s education/training is, “Our thoughts accumulate to become beliefs.” The more we think about something, the more it becomes a part of who we are, and these then get played out in our actions and behaviours. (The word “thoughts” can also be translated as “self-talk”.) So, it becomes very important that we are careful what we listen to, and from whom we get the information. Like the old saying goes, “Don’t believe everything you hear” – or see or read.
 
The good news, now that we are adults, and as we travel through life we gain new experiences, new ideas, see new ways of doing things that all challenge our concept of “truth,” so that we can examine our beliefs and toss out the ones that no longer serve us. Take the time for a little self-reflection. You’ll be glad you did.
Linda Sage
Caring for the Caregiver

Organizational Compassion Fatigue


hourglass-time-hours-sand-39396.jpeg   An organization suffers from Compassion Fatigue as well as their staff.  In today’s environment socially and the rising mentality of suing for a quick buck, puts everyone from caretakers to CEOs at risk; if Compassion fatigue is permitted to run rife in any establishment.

There are no quick fixes to healing an organization it takes time, patience, commitment at all levels and perseverance. An awareness of the far-reaching effects of Compassion Fatigue must be present at the highest level of management and work its way down to encompass line staff, as well as volunteers, or even better from the grassroots up; very often the coal face workers can give distant Senior Management some sound and solid ideas, that are cost-effective and efficient. The mistrust that employees feel towards management is not unfounded, as many staff do not have permanent contracts, even if they do, there is always the threats of cuts hanging over their heads.  As many caregiving institutions are non-profit, they have additional challenges such as low wages, lack of space, old or incorrect tools and resources, high management turnover rate, as well as a constant flow of unfamiliar staff, plus constantly shifting priorities.

None of which make any workday any easier, so the Compassion Fatigue cycle keeps in motion.

Organizational symptoms of Compassion Fatigue include:

  • Lack of understanding of corporate ethos or manifesto
  • Daily feeling of crisis management at all levels
  • Patient safety being compromised
  • Staff safety making them feel vulnerable or pressurized

Causing:

  • High absenteeism
  • Constant changes in co-workers relationships
  • Inability for teams to work well together
  • Desire among staff members to break company rules
  • Outbreaks of aggressive behaviors among staff
  • Inability of staff to complete assignments and tasks
  • Inability of staff to respect and meet deadlines
  • Lack of flexibility among staff members
  • Negativism towards management
  • Strong reluctance toward change
  • Inability of staff to believe improvement is possible
  • Lack of a vision for the future

The early any establishment realizes that changes need to be made and implement those guidelines, the safer everyone involved will be, your bottom line will prosper, staff health will improve and patient experience and care will be at a successful level. The savings in the long term being considerable, against the initial planning and outlay.

Caring for the caregiver

Linda Sage MA BA Ed(Hons)

http://www.lindasage.com

Compassion Fatigue is not the same as stress!


What is Compassion Fatigue?

So you work in health/social care, or education. Perhaps as an OT or physio? Doctor, nurse, social worker, speech and language therapist, teacher, Teaching Assistant, lecturer, or administrator…(we could go on…)

Perhaps you work in a hospital environment? Or in the community? Maybe in palliative care? In a school, college or university. You may work for a Government entity, a charity, a private organisation… (you get the idea).

But whatever your role you probably work with people who are ill, suffering, in distress, undergoing some kind of trauma or dealing with multicultural issues.

Your role requires emotional, psychological and physical input. There are long hours, deadlines and a wide variety of demands on your time.

All of which means you are at risk of compassion fatigue.

Compassion Fatigue is the gradual wearing down of compassion and empathy, or the ability to care over a period of time.

It is what happens when the stories and experiences of the people we are caring for or teaching and working with overwhelm us. Add to this the stresses of our own personal life, and the expectations of the organisation we work for and the results can be:

Exhaustion, emotionally, mentally and physically

Physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach pains, inability to sleep

Emotional symptoms such as low moods (or mood swings), anger, frustration, anxiety, a feeling of ‘why bother’, anger, frustration, bottling up of emotions, crying more often than usual, small annoyances become huge issues.

A change in the way we see the world and the people we work with, less tolerance of clients/patients/students, leading to a negative attitude, over generalisation (John is ALWAYS so difficult to work with, Eve NEVER appreciates what I do…) and a tendency to avoid situations or patients/clients/students we perceive as difficult.

Compassion Fatigue is a normal consequence of doing the work you do, over a period of time. It is an erosion, it is not a medical diagnosis, it is a set of signs and symptoms that you can choose to do something about.

To know more http://www.lindasage.com/bus_health.html You do not have to suffer in silence or alone.

Here’s to your success

Caring for the caregiver

Linda Sage MA BA Ed (Hons)

Compassion fatigue is the natural consequence of caring for and helping traumatized or suffering people


Featured Image -- 945   Compassion fatigue is caused by empathy. It is the natural consequence of stress resulting from caring for and helping traumatized or suffering people. It involves a preoccupation with an individual or his or her trauma, and it doesn’t require being present at the stressful event. Simply being exposed to another person’s painful narrative can be enough. Author and researcher Beth Hudnall Stamm defines compassion fatigue as the convergence of primary stress, secondary traumatic stress and cumulative stress in the lives of helping professionals and other care providers.

burnout new1  For those in the helping professions, early recognition and improved self-care both in and out of the workplace are key to creating wellness. Many caregivers focus on others at the expense of their own well-being. It is crucial for them to replenish themselves and commit to having a life outside of work that includes daily nurturing activities. People often understand this concept intellectually, but the knowledge doesn’t necessarily lead to taking better care of themselves.
Caring for the Caregiver Book cover  It is important for individuals and their employers to recognize and challenge the psychological obstacles that get in the way of self-care, such as the belief that focusing on personal needs is selfish or indulgent. Enlightened self-interest is quite different from narcissistic preoccupation. Self-care actually increases a caregiver’s capacity to care for others. Self-care, however, is not just about making healthy lifestyle choices — it is about being present with one’s feelings, sensations and intuitive guidance in order to detect what is best in any given moment.

Relationships as Opportunities to Grow


Relationships as Opportunities to Grow
get help   What can you do when you want to improve your marriage or close relationship, but your significant other seems to be content with the way things are?
 
Marriage or other close relationships offer us unique opportunities to grow. Sometimes, though, conflict arises when partners in romantic relationships have different visions of what the relationship should be like and different ideas about the direction it should take.
 
If you think your close relationship could use some work but your partner doesn’t, what do you do? Well, for starters, you don’t start blaming them for disagreeing with you and neither should you assume that there is something wrong with you. What you can do, instead, is share your visions with each other. Can you describe, as specifically as possible, without blaming or judging, just how you see the problem? Can you describe, just as specifically, what you see the future as being?
 
Sometimes professional couples counselling can be a great help in opening faulty lines of communication.  But, whether you decide to get help or not, make sure you stay focused on a vision of how the relationship will look when it is fixed, and maintain a non-blaming, non-judgmental attitude throughout. It isn’t always easy, but if you can take the emotion out of the situation long enough, the situation becomes clearer and possibly easier to manage when decisions need to be made.
 
Remember that disagreement doesn’t have to mean someone is wrong, and conflict can lead to greater harmony if it is handled properly.
Getting to the end of another year is an achievement, whether it is in a personal or professional relationship, no doubt there have been challenges, changes and compromise to surmount, but reflecting back is always a great learning curve as we do not always see how much we have learnt, or the distance you have travelled whilst in the journey.
Possibly you are in a different place physically or mentally today than where you were on the 1st January, 2017.  That is great and moving forward is important.  Sometimes it is faster and sometimes slower, but movement keeps goals and dreams alive.  Keeping a log or a diary show you just how much you have achieved, even the small achievements soon mount up.
Plan for the whole of 2018, then break them down into smaller segments, three months and monthly.  Keeps you on track and accountable, both very important to get you to where you want to be a year from now.
Be kind to yourself, be true to what you want and enjoy your journey, it is not just about the end result.
Very happy season’s greetings for you and your family for this wonderful festive time, very happy, healthy Christmas and New Year from me and all at Successful Mindset Ltd.
Here’s to your success
Regards
Linda