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Posts Tagged ‘breaking out of prison’

Nearest and Dearest

August 9, 2017 Leave a comment

emb7  Do you ever feel that the people who are closest to you are the ones who resist the most as you try to change for the better? Sometimes, when we are committed to personal growth and change, family members or others who are close to us will do everything they can to try and get us to change back to the way we were – even when the way we were wasn’t so great.

Did you ever wonder why that might be?  Well, for one thing, when people are used to heir lives being a certain way, any change – even when it is an improvement – can be threatening. It is also fairly common for people who are stuck in negative habits to have a hard time tolerating others who are making positive efforts towards change.

If you can convince your family to join you in your quest for personal growth, you will all have an easier time of it. You can support each other through the tough times and give each other encouragement and approval as you begin to see results.

If you have no choice but to go through it alone, let those significant others in your life in on what you are trying to do, and tell them how positive results will benefit them  well as you. Paint them a vivid word picture of what the end-result will look like, and ask for their help in achieving it.

If you don’t get that help, be patient. It may take time to convince them that you are serious, and that you intend to stay close to them even though you are changing. They may be waiting for proof before allowing themselves to believe you. Belief without evidence is difficult even in the best of times, with the best of people.

If it ever comes down to the difficult choice between continuing a painful relationship and developing yourself as a person, remember that you always have the right to choose growth without guilt. If you want to do better for the world, then you first need to do better by and for yourself.
Looking after yourself is not a luxury, it is a necessity; if you want to be, do and have everything you want in your life.
Linda Sage
Mentor, Speaker, Author

 

Life’s Survivors

July 14, 2017 Leave a comment

When times get tough, some people fold and some are made even stronger. Did you ever wonder why some people seem to be able to handle life better than others? Everyone likes to think that they have what it takes to survive adversity and tough times, but when the chips are down, some of us definitely do better than others.
 achieverThe real survivors in life (not the participants in the “reality” survivor TV shows that only seem to bring out the worst in human behaviour) have developed personalities that allow them more options. They also have a strong and clear intention to survive, and to do it in good shape. When problems or setbacks occur, they don’t waste time complaining and they don’t dwell on the past or what they’ve lost. Instead, their energies are focused on getting things to turn out well.

Survivors believe that, no matter what happens to them, they are the ones who are in charge of their destinies. They don’t get mad at the world for not treating them better. And they do have an extensive menu of behaviours they can choose from, depending on the situation. In other words, survivors are option thinkers with a growth mindset, instead of black and white, either/or thinkers who get by with a fixed mindset.

get up again  Survivors also have a wonderful ability to laugh at adversity because they know that even if they lose everything else, they will still have themselves. People with survivor personalities can walk confidently into the unknown because they expect to find a way to make things work out.

So, if you want to be a true survivor, try focusing your attention less on safety and security and more on developing positive beliefs and expectations, built on a firm foundation of reinforced self-esteem.

Here’s to your success
Linda Sage
Helping compassionate people, care for themselves.

It Is Never Too Late to Change

June 15, 2017 Leave a comment

New Break out of prison program  I have recently gone back to do some work in a prison.  11 years, 8 months and 17 days it took me to walk back through a main gate, after my complete burnout and previous experience.  From literally burning my work clothes, not just leaving a job, but moving to another country to “run away” from my torment. (not that I saw it as that, at the time!)  Going back has taught me a lot.
When is it too late to change? If you get off to a bad start, can you still turn things around when you are an adult?
 
If you were in trouble all the time when you were a kid, a teenager, and even as a young adult, do you think there is any hope that you will straighten out your life when you get to be 30 or 40? According to findings from two of the longest, ongoing research studies in the nation, many people have an amazing capacity for change throughout life.
 
There is the example of “Stan.” At the age of 32, “Stan” seemed destined for failure. Abandoned at birth by his father, and orphaned at the age of three when his mother died, “Stan” dropped out of school, became an alcoholic, and served prison time for rape and vagrancy in his 20’s and early 30’s.
 
But 15 years later, against all odds, “Stan” had turned his life around. When researchers checked in with him at age 47, he was sober and happily married, had an adopted son he doted on, and owned a transport business and a house.
 
These studies – and evidence from an on-going study within HM Prison Service in London- point out that “Stan’s” story is far from unique. We all have the capacity to change our circumstances – no matter how old we are, and no matter how difficult our early experiences were. It comes down to whether or not we want to change. Once that mindset shift takes place, from “have to” to “want to,” change becomes a whole lot easier.
 
So, please do not give up on yourself. Be careful about listening to anyone who says it is too late to change. They just may have given up on themselves. You don’t have to. If you really want to – if you are willing to alter your beliefs and your behaviour – you can do it. It all starts with changing that internal picture of who you “know” you are.
choose to change  Conquering your own fears and negative beliefs changes your life in so many ways.  If you are struggling with change, come and join me for a 30 mins webinar (Please pass this info on to anyone you know is struggling)
Topic: Behaviour Never Lies – Do You Enhance or Sabotage Yourself?
Time: Jun 22, 2017 7:00 PM London
Join from PC, Mac, Linux, iOS or Android: https://zoom.us/j/4944720202
Or iPhone one-tap (United Kingdom Toll):  +442036950088,4944720202#
Or Telephone:
    Dial: +44 (0) 20 3695 0088 (United Kingdom Toll)
    Meeting ID: 494 472 0202
You do not have to suffer and struggle in silence, come and join us to be another Stan.
Linda
Helping individuals like you Reset Your Mindset for Success

Resiliency a Foundation Block


resilience Have you ever thought about what it takes to bounce back from life’s downturn Today, let’s talk about how to handle those inevitable setbacks that occur from time to time.
 
No matter how hard we may try, life isn’t perfect. Every day cannot be sunny, our relationships with others cannot always be smooth – and let’s face it, sometimes work is more of a pain than a pleasure. However, it is how we react to those less-than-perfect situations that show us how far we have grown as human beings.
 
Since most of us spend a significant portion of our lives at some form of workplace, let’s use work as an example. Suppose something has gone drastically wrong, and the whole place looks like everyone is awaiting execution. No one looks up for fear of being called to account for the disaster. The talk around the water cooler is negative, and unless something is done, the entire organisation begins down the slippery slope of the Downward Spiral.
 
What to do? First, a conscious effort must be made to ensure the organisational self-talk is positive and reaffirming. Your talents and expertise are valued by the organisation, and the work you do is important. Second, the organisation must get beyond the current “disaster” and begin focusing on the future, when the problem no longer exists. And third, forget trying to point fingers and assign blame. As the Blue Angels say, “Fess up, fix it, and move on.”
 
  affirmations  Affirmations are the most important tool in your Personal Disaster Relief Kit.
 
As you may know, affirmations are simply  present-tense statements of fact – about the future. Affirmations are usually most effective when they are personal, but you cannot beat an organisational affirmation that has total buy-in from everyone. “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts,” so to speak. It becomes the organisation’s “vision” for tomorrow, and leads you through to success.
 
For yourself personally, you must believe that your contribution to the organisation is valuable. “I am valued by leadership for my talents and expertise.” “I am comfortable expressing my thoughts in meetings, because I know what I have to say is valuable.” As a group, when faced with a challenge, you might affirm, “No matter what gets thrown at us, we hit it out of the park.”
 
The important thing is to have your mind firmly fixed on the future, the future without the current challenge. Remember, your subconscious mind moves you toward the most dominant picture. If all you are thinking about is the current “disaster,” then you won’t be able to move forward. Keep affirming daily the way you want the future to be, paint it vividly in your mind, and keep your personal self-talk and your group self-talk aimed at a positive future.
We have looked at the value in personal resiliency, and we used the workplace as an example. Now, let’s take what we have been looking at, and transfer it to succeeding through natural disasters.
 
Every year, the world sees its share of natural disasters, from earthquakes and landslides, to tornados, monsoons and floods. In each instance, the aftermath has been almost unbearable to watch. What happened was outside immediate human control. Nothing we can do – at least at this point in time – can prevent natural disasters like these. All we can do is be as prepared as possible for the unknown.
 
For most cities, counties, states and nations, we prepare for the practical response. Seattle,  sits in the Pacific Ocean’s “Rim of Fire,” they prepare for earthquakes, severe weather and flooding. Seattle’s “3 Days, 3 Ways” programme helps residents prepare to take care of themselves – to survive – for three days.
 
While the practical approach takes care of the body’s need to survive, we also need to take care of how our minds approach coping with disaster. Rebounding from disaster takes a conscious effort to control our self-talk in order to remain positive. Looking beyond ourselves, by helping others, is a great assist in aiding our own positive self-talk. Making the effort to visualise what our worlds will look like, once the current situation is fixed, provides a path to follow.  Reinforcing that vision with positive affirmations goes a long way towards avoiding the pitfalls of a downward spiral.
 
get help  One more thing: Let others help you, as you help others. The sense of a community working together to solve a problem is a powerful thing. We are stronger together than we are alone, no matter what the obstacle.
Here’s to your success.
Linda Sage
Helping individuals rest their mindset for success.

Resilience – Powerful Tip to Success


The meaning of resilience is to bounce back from difficulties or adversities.

This is a key tool to success, or being successful; nobody has achieved their goal/dream without pressure and problems.  Looking at these as learning curves, getting yourself up and dusted off, is essential.

get up again

Keep moving forward, no matter how small the steps you are making headway in the right direction.  Getting the momentum going is the hardest part, then just keep pushing through and change has to happen, once you get past the tipping point; you will just be there for the amazing ride and all the rewards that you deserve for all your previous work.

Never give up; maybe modify, learn from others and progress.  Then help others on their journey, that is the wheel of success.  What an amazing journey, the ups and the downs, it all has its place and reason.

Here’s to your success.

Linda

www.lindasage.com

Call Me Crazy

April 23, 2017 1 comment

Call me crazy, but in today’s world of fast food, quickie divorces, and instant messaging do we take for granted the now?

At present, this moment, what do you actually, smell, see, feel and think?  Until I was asked this same question by my mentor, I like most people are so wrapped up in the what’s coming next, to focus totally on the now.

I hear so many people say “time goes much faster now,” it really doesn’t go any faster than those long, boring school holidays, or the endless minutes until the class was dismissed.  It just seems so, because we jam so much more into the minutes, we totally take for granted the expectation of tomorrow, next week, next year……. But who has any guarantee?

Call me crazy for feeling like life is a merry-go-round and I am bouncing up and down as the bright colours of the horses and life whiz by, all getting mixed up and intertwined.  Until we choose to get off, sometimes feeling a bit light headed or disorientated after spinning round and round.  Some people feel like that at the end of each day, by the time our feet heavily lift into bed, our body sinks in into the mattress and our head hits the pillow exhausted, but then some amazing mechanism clicks in and the brain starts to whiz again!  The much needed sleep and relaxation are elusive and unattainable, thus setting up the next day in a less than perfect way.  And so, it goes on.

If you are in business for yourself,  working for another or even being a full time parent and spouse, your abilities decline a little every day, your enthusiasm, your tolerance, your self value and your motivation.  This soon becomes an ever increasing downward spiral, getting more and more difficult to break.  Work becomes hard, relationships tense to breaking point and your health, wellbeing and desires dwindle.

There are so many opportunities, openings and choices that often the amount in itself is confusing. Call me crazy for being old fashioned, but pen and paper are still therapeutic, just sitting and creating lists relieves tension.  Look at your life, what are you spending a lot of your day doing?  What are the important areas you need to be fully focused on? Sort out your priorities, then build your days from the most important to the least important.

Totally focusing on what you are doing is hugely more productive, than trying to get 5 things done at the same time. Even if you only allot each item 5 mins, five full minutes of your undivided attention goes a long way.  Just as a tester, see how much you can get done in one evening, just during the commercials.  Or play a song you really like and relax, just a few mins , but makes a big difference.

It is so easy to get side tracked, build your guidelines and drop the rubbish, pay attention to now, experience it fully and appreciate it.  You will see very soon that you are feeling better, your achievements are better and you can enjoy life each and every minute of it.  Call me crazy, but I don’t think that is a bad way to live.

Back to Beginnings

March 6, 2017 Leave a comment

Twelve and a half years ago in 2005, I left an Autumnal Kent, in the south east of England for sunnier climates on the Costa Blanca in Spain. I was unhappy in myself, unhappy in my relationship and totally pretending to myself that another location would change everything

Moving to my dream home, with an amazing private pool, secluded behind masses of bougainvillea, well established orange and lemon trees, plus huge Yaka trees with points as deadly as any finely crafted sword. I felt safe to put on a swimsuit and lay for a restful afternoon by my own pool.

Little did I know that this innocent act was to change me, my life and those around me.

My relationship with partner of over five years had crumbling over time, but I was in denial. My work in the UK had been in some of the highest security prisons, dealing on a daily basis with sex offenders and serial killers. The last thing I needed was to feel attractive, as it would make me vulnerable, I drove many miles, sat behind many desks and slept in many hotel rooms. My eating habits had gone from poor to horrendous, petrol station snacks and family packs of sweets for company.

Whenever I was at home, I was tired, listless and grumpy, not that I even realized it then. I cancelled many social events through frustration and self-berating, nothing felt right, I was better off alone. My partner had no weight issues, so that made it worse, eat what you like and never put an ounce on, why was life so unfair!!! By this time, I ignored all the mirrors in the house and a camera sent me into an anxious dash in the opposite direction.

Running away to Spain, seemed like a good idea at the time, but like all running away, whatever you have in your head… you take with you. I was no different.

That fateful day 22nd October, 2005 my daughter took a photo of me asleep by the pool (something that would never have happened had I been awake!). Later on she came to show me the picture, I was absolutely astounded, who was this huge, old person in the photo? Then she tells me she has posted it on Facebook to circumnavigate the globe!!! I was in tears, I was angry, and  I was blaming her, this lasted for 10 days before I realized it was me I was angry at. How could I have ever let myself get to this? Why did I not see it? Denial  is a wonderfully comfortable place to dwell; but it is not reality.

I finally apologized to her, realized I needed help and determined to change. This was the second miracle, because through my change and development I grew a business and my own self esteem. This poor relationship and being treated badly, was unacceptable – as I knew I was worth more. With my reducing weight and measurements, my confidence and self belief grew and because I expected better for me, others treated me in a more respectful way.

A journey of many ups and downs, many firsts like going to a gym,  waiting five decades to buy my first pair of jeans. Getting the confidence to stand up and speak to others, appear on radio and TV talk shows. Wrote my first book in 2011 Personal Coaching for Change, and the second From a Whale to a Woman, about my journey out of the battle of the bulge to be a happier, healthier person.

from-a-whale-to-a-woman

The best part about this whole journey has been the thousands of people I have helped along the way. There are so many people suffering in silence, sabotaging themselves, and putting up with a life that is less than they are worth, just because they feel they are not good enough to deserve better.

I have just returned to the UK after many years living and working abroad, starting anew, made me realize that I too should return to my roots. Helping and supporting people to be, do and have whatever it is they want in their lives.

Battling obesity is a trillion dollar industry, with magical cures and fabulous overnight remedies, these are not realistic, they set you up to fail – again! I do not prescribe to one weightloss package, many work for a variety of people, but one thing is sure, that until you set your mind to change, be different, none of them will work.

I will take a bet, that most people have several weightloss, healthy lifestyle books on their shelves, various appliances in their kitchen for healthier cooking and even a selection of fitness exercising items, that never get taken out of the cupboard. This is not to mention the sliding scale of clothes sizes in their wardrobes.   Sound familiar…….

There is just 7 inches of space to conquer, that is the space between your right and left ear, once this is done, the rest is easy. Food is not the issue, your attitude and beliefs about it are the problem. Change them and change your life.

From a Whale to a Woman is a proactive book, but nothing works alone, effort, support and determination must go with it, so I am going back to basics and offering a free 20min consultation to get you started once you have ordered your book via http://bit.ly/Book-CoachingOffer and I will arrange to speak to you personally about what you want to achieve.

from-a-whale-to-a-woman

Don’t settle for less, be your very best and make the most of your life from today.

You are not alone, nor are you the only person on the earth to feel that way, but there is an answer and I can help you find it.

Be happy, be healthy, but most of all be honest with yourself, you are worth the best.